Self-love. What a bitch.

20:10. July the 5th 2017. Wednesday night. Alone.

I've turned 26 less than a month ago today, and for the first time since I can remember, I only now really comprehend these misinterpreted severely over-used phrases: "... you can't love someone if you don't love yourself..." or "how can you look after someone else if you can't look after yourself?". Never for one second did I ever doubt it being true, but that's mostly because all the grown up people who had their shit together said it. I guess that's one of the biggest problems in our society - we tend to just follow, just believe, just do because someone "greater" or older or skinnier or more popular than us uttered enchanting words, without ever questioning anything. Without ever, from a young age, think for ourselves.

Today, I was sitting at the airport. I saw allot of tears, laughter, hugs and kisses, saw allot of things that actually shouldn't be allowed in public for that matter. LOL. It got me thinking, "how many of us really know what unconditional unselfish love is?"

That brought up the above mentioned "assumed to be true alligations from the past" - can I really love someone unconditionally with no pretence if I don't love myself?

Thinking about it at first, was so platonic - my own thoughts bored me. I thought it could be the typical "how can I let him see my thunder thighs in a bikini?" or "I'm hiding for a week because pimple face Pamela is back and that bitch is uglier than fat me in high school, going through puberty (Pamela is me, btw). The concept morphed into something much bigger and I was enthralled. First of all, I think the majority of our younger generation is completely confused between self-LOVE and self-OBSESSED. We are literally the generation that documents the most, but achieves the least. We don't see what it is within ourselves that makes us shine.

Romantically speaking, if you have an eating disorder or even depression and hate your body and overall appearance, you will be unable to connect physically and therefor emotionally with your partner. You won't see the beautiful creation they so adore, unfortunately you will CHOOSE not to accept their love. The same occurs with friends and family - you do not value time spent with yourself. It's most probably wasted on destructive thoughts and/or actions. Sadly, time spent with anyone dear to you will reflect the reality in you.

Once this realization hit me, it became clear to me that all of us have our insecurities. We all have our flaws. I used to be the happiest "smiliest" pudgy girl in my high school with just a touch of acne - I was aware of my imperfections, but damn, I loved me.

I lost that for a while.

I can honestly say, if I could love anyone more today, it would be me. I would even go back to16-year old me and constantly remind myself not to "just listen, just accept and just do".

Everyone uses that quote - " don't loose the sparkle that makes you special" -. I feel like changing it,

" Find your sparkle, love that sparkle and you will never have to worry about losing it."

So, I can't answer for you. But I came to this conclusion, because it benefits EVERYBODY.

"Fall inlove, or die trying" - Jason Silva (especially with yourself).

xxx