The idea of ending the suffering - AKA Recovery.

Tonight was such n awesome night with my family, my mom made old style (what I can imagine) drive-in russians and chips. With thick slices of fresh white bread smothered in melting butter and cheese. I havn't seen my family in a pretty long time and I enjoyed tonight thoroughly. Cooking with my mom, drinking coffee, having those long chats about what's been going on in our lives.... and then ofcourse tummies are rumbling, dinner is ready and it's time to eat.

It's right here where the anxiety kicks into high gear and my thoughts go running about the amount of calories I'm about to consume. I didn't dish, because I really have been sticking to a healthy diet (which, may I add helped me gain 7kg).

As usually my parents carried on with their own thing and, "not noticing" that I'm skipping on dinner, after running 14km this morning. Neither of them said anything, but it suddenly hit me that even

though I'm in recovery, this illness is still disrupting so many aspects of my life. Aspects that make me suffer the loss of relationships, beautiful moments in life and it is starting to seriously cause health problems at the young age of 26.

I cannot imagine living the rest of my life like this. Who will you grow old with? Who will travel the world with you? How will you have a family and how would you be able to raise your little babies?

Obviously these are important things for me, things I have always wanted to achieve. Some of these I have wanted to do by now... But anyway, would've, should've, could've. I have always wanted to be a mommy. Above all else I want that. At this point of my life, I am seriously decreasing the possibility to have a little bundle.

I think it's time to SERIOUSLY STOP THE SUFFERING.

Take 1 second and imagine what you can achieve if you stopped the suffering. If you took the path to real recovery?

xxx