There ARE those not such good days - Be REALISTIC.
Today was dreadful.
There are many other words that come to mind when thinking of this day, but this is not the appropriate time or place to make use of them. HAHAHAHAHA.
Lately I have been relapsing allot in terms of Bullimia, my Psychiatrist says
it's related to emotions. Any emotion that gets me rattled up so much or even excites me to the point of jumping up and down causes me to binge eat, followed by "purging". I don't know why that happens??? It's so messed up if you think about it... most people my age would want to celebrate and get really drunk with their friends on graduation day, their 18th birthday or any other Friday and Saturday.... Not me, oh no, PLEASE leave me in bed with all the junkfood in the world and some series! Literally the happiest and peaceful hour or so of my life.
Then the counting starts.... calories. THAT word. I think it really is the biggest enemy of someone suffering from an eating disorder.
My point is, today was one of those days. The binging and purging days. The worst of all is not that you physically put so much strain on your body (see the image below), but the guilt and sadness that comes along with this dreadful act is by far the worst. Eating disorders (ED) lead to the destruction of so many relationships, and when this happened to me again today this thought resounded over and over in my head. I do not want to lose one more important individual in my life, but unfortunately EDs has the ability of doing exactly that.
I realised that I have to constantly remind myself what is more important to me than being "sick".
What are the things that I simply cannot disappoint or loose just because I have an ED?
You know what's amazing???? At first when you ask yourself these questions you can't think of anything being more important than being skinny.
Then someone amazing happens... you start seeing the REAL things as you recover. The things you will never be able to say goodbye to and no, her name is not Ana.
So guys, today wasn't my favourite day or a day I am particularly proud of, but I realised again that the relationships I have now with the incredible people in my life, is more important to me than anything.
"It's up to you" - Anonymous